Quotes of the Day: March 1, 2010

Today I have a few quotes from the great movie Steal Magnolias, for those of you who have never seen it you need to it is an amazing movie that will make you laugh so hard you can't breath, and it will make you cry your eyes out, but it is such a good movie! It has a great cast, and some hilarious quotes. I hope you all enjoy!
*There are some profanities, don't say I didn't warn you*

"I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries."
"The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God."
"You are a pig from hell."
"You are too twisted for color TV!"
"I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!"
"Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine."
"A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste."
"He is a boil on the butt of humanity!"
"Don't try to get on my good side, Truvy. I no longer have one!"
"What's the matter with you these days, M'Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?"
~Ouiser~

"Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!"
"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on."
"Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?"
~Clairee~

"Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face."
"Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."
"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."
"Smile! It increases your face value."
"There is no such thing as natural beauty."
"Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly."
~Truvy~

Ouiser: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Ouiser: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle: Not on your first visit!
Clairee: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Clairee: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!
Clairee: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.
Ouiser: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

Clairee: [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?
Ouiser: SHUT UP!
Clairee: What?
Ouiser: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.
Clairee: I am not.
Ouiser: This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.